I’ve finally accepted that it isn’t normal to feel this way every day. I set up an appointment through student counseling services for when I get back to school, but I don’t want to wait.

My insecurity is killing me. I’m even comparing myself to random strangers I pass. I know that apart from my acne I’m not ugly. I’ve always had people tell me to stop feeling insecure because I’m skinny but I can’t shake this feeling. I can’t help but feel that my boyfriend will find someone prettier and more interesting and get bored with me.

And it’s not just insecurity, it’s anxiety in general. It’s been through the roof lately. Every time I get on the freeway I vividly play a horrible accident scenario in my head. Every time I go to class I’m afraid of embarrassing myself or getting a below average score on a test or quiz. Every time I talk to my boyfriend I’m afraid of saying the wrong thing.

And I don’t have any friends apart from my boyfriend. I’m alone all the time and have time to overthink these things and analyze things to jump to conclusions that only exist in my head. It’s a chore to get out of bed and shower and get ready. It’s a chore to contact people in my life.

I’m so tired of feeling this way, I wish I could start seeing a counselor sooner.