I haven’t really stopped crying since yesterday when I got that phone call telling me 3 out my 4 numbers were too high (she didn’t say which ones). I had a feeling it was coming, and now I’m faced with the reality that I have gestational diabetes.

I am so depressed, this is the lowest I’ve ever felt. With everything this pregnancy has thrown at me, I took joy in being able to choose what foods I ate and cooking delicious meals and indulging here and there made me happy. And now, here I am, afraid to eat anything at all, I’ve been given no direction on how I should handle this, what I need to do, what I need to avoid, how to properly manage this, what harm I’ve already caused and what harm I could potentially cause going into this blind. I haven’t eaten a proper meal since Monday night. I just don’t know what to do, the one thing I had left, the last thing that I found joy in, taken away from me in a instant. It’s not like I had a bad diet to begin with, far from it, I eat healthy as it is, but the diabetic diets I’ve scoured the internet for are a whole new level. If I don’t eat it already, I don’t like it, plain and simple... so here I am, I have to force myself to eat foods I don’t even like? I have to choke and gag down foods I haven’t enjoyed in all my 32 years? Or do I just survive off chicken, canned tuna 🤮 and salad? For the next nearly three months? The thought of eating making me cry now.

I don’t see the endocrinologist for another two weeks, my OB is virtually useless with zero guidance to offer me. I feel so lost, confused, frustrated and just down about it all. No one here understands and they just avoid me and ignore me because I’m upset or crying. I feel like I have zero support both medically and emotionally. I never really realized how picky of an eater I actually am until all this... I’m absolutely miserable.