I google all the time. Mostly I google about fertility, but I also just go to google for all my answers. I don’t know what to think. Google tells me that most women go on to have a healthy pregnancy, even after multiple losses like I’ve experienced. Glow women tell me I’m right there with you. I haven’t read many stories about women like me. I’m a rare find with 5 miscarriages under my belt and zero children. I just wish I were the rare find of someone that won the lottery or got a free vacation. I hear all the time that I’m strong to continue trying after so many fails. I somehow manage to muster enough hope to keep trying month after month even after 1 year and 8 months of this journey. But I only get my hopes crushed month after month with negative tests. Life’s not fair.

But back to google, I can’t stop. It doesn’t even help me. Makes me think one minute I will get pregnant and the next I have ovarian cancer. I just wish I could live in a world where I could be the story on glow or google that says don’t give up there are rainbows out there. Where I am in the world there’s lots of rain, but I haven’t seen any rainbows.