I just tried to watch porn and like the making out turned me on, but as soon as boobs were shown and things started to heat up I got anxiety and just got turned off and literally wanted to cry. This happens every time I try to watch it. It’s like part of me feels ashamed and the other part of me is grossed out. I love having sex and being intimate , but something about watching it just makes me so uncomfortable. Like I don’t like sexualizing people. I just got sad and nauseous I guess. I guess why I’m posting this is to see if anyone else feels this way or if it has made you feel this way and you’ve changed or will I just forever hate porn? Like I want to be comfortable with it because my boyfriend likes it and he literally stopped watching it for me and like our sex life has been amazing since, but at this point I guess it just bothers me that I react this way to it even though I know why. (I’ve been sexually assaulted multiple times, once as a child, once when I lost my virginity and a few other times after that) So like I understand that I react this way because of my anxiety and ptsd, but I’m wondering if it’s something I can overcome or something I should even care to overcome ? I just was thinking it’d be fun to surprise him by asking if he wanted to watch it and try to get me comfortable with it, but I just feel like I’m always going to feel this way and I used to be fine with that and wanted absolutely nothing to do with porn, but it’s kind of gotten to me when I see so many posts or comments about it no being a big deal. Like I want it to not make me react this way, but it just does. I’ve always masturbated to my own thoughts and created fantasies in my head and it’s not that it’s not enough, I just wanted to see if anything has changed, but ya no, porn is just still so cringey to me. But then when I think about how it could be if I could be comfortable with it and we could watch it together, that thought turns me on. I know I need to just be myself, but I am curious about it, just scared I guess and wondering if anyone can relate or give some advice if they’ve been in this situation.