I have cried, a lot this week. Over what? My exes. Why? Cause I'm a self sabotaging bitch who is learning self love. My ex is on spring break posting his trips with his now girlfriend, my mom wants me to move back home even tho I've been gone for 3 years and she's emotionally abusive, and my most recent ex who was toxic but I got him off the streets and basically parented him for 2 years is now back with his ex and posting about it. And that's why I'm crying. Talked to someone on a helpline and I'm healing, slowly. I have come to realize I'm a badass and barely know it and no more accepting scrubs.

No more accepting guys who are drug addicts, don't work, homeless or barely have a home, has a phone but might not have signal, has no money, is emotionally unavailable. I have bent over backwards too far for these men that my vision is blurred. No more accepting these guys who use and manipulate but will still lie. He must have a debit card in his name, he must have a license and drive his own cari know I know, that's not always fair but after carpooling for 2 years any future guy needs to have his own car, must have his own zip code that's not my house, he must have his own job, he must have his own money, he must have his own phone and technology, etc.

My most recent ex started talking to his ex 2 weeks after we cut contact and lied about the L contact in his phone. Turns out it was his ex while he was sleeping over for 4 days a week. I also had to find out from his brother that he'd been in contact with her while sleeping with me. Funny how he always accused me of cheating but he has showed his true colors. After he tried to say all my friends were talking shit about me, got him off the street, him lying about being on meth and selling drugs, him threatening his life when I wanted him gone. I don't know why I romanticize him sometimes but I got exactly what I wanted and that's to be free. He can be with whatever ex he wants but when he fucks up and is homeless again, I will not be there to pick up the pieces