I had a one night stand with a man I don't even know. I don't have his number, and I don't even know his last name. I hate myself for it. I'm not perfect, and I'm not a virgin, but I believe sex is something incredibly special. I'm a survivor of several rapes and assaults, and have struggled so much with sex. I've been doing well with not making impulsive decisions regarding sex for so long, and now I slipped up. I feel like God is going to punish me with a pregnancy because I made a mistake. The condom broke, and even though I'm on birth control and wasn't ovulating, I wonder if God is so angry and frustrated with me that He will just punish me as much as He can. I can't go to family because they will be so incredibly angry and disappointed with me. I know they'll say I deserve it. I'm so angry and disappointed in myself that it makes me physically ill and suicidal. I wish I could just rewind time.