When Are You Having a Baby?

Question

When are you going to make F a big sister? I get this question a lot. Part of me wants to be honest and tell a few people we have been trying without success, but part of me thinks it’s none of their business. What do you ladies say when you get asked?

Answer

“Actually, we found out we can’t have kids.”
Shuts everyone up mighty fast ✌🏽

Answer

I'm very honest with people. I hate that because the subject is taboo we are not supposed to talk about it, we are supposed to suffer in silence. The more I talk about it, the more I find other women who have had their own struggles with this issue. I will edit the explanation accordingly... how well do I know the person, what are the circumstances/environment etc, but I still speak up. I don't care what people think. If it helps people gain awareness, cooth, compassion, education or helps someone else who is struggling, I'm just out there with it. I have not done anything wrong or shameful to be in this position and neither has my husband so I will not whisper about it as though we have. But that's just me and I'm like that about a lot of areas in my life. I like to break stigma and people's preconceived notions.

Answer

I am struggling with secondary infertility. I have a 2.5yr old son and qe have been trying for 16 months. I used to say "we will eventually", but now I dont even care. I come right out and say "actually if you must know we have been trying for close to a year and a half and are struggling getting pregnant." Usually shuts them up real quick and makes them think twice about asking such a private question that they shouldn't be.

Answer

When people ask me anything like that or “do you have children?” I say “well I’ve had two miscarriages.” And it usually shuts them up. My goal isn’t to necessarily shut people up so much as educate. Make it acceptable (as it should be) to talk about this stuff so that when women have miscarriages or cannot get pregnant immediately they don’t blame themselves and hate themselves like I did. Our society wants to be nosy about something so personal so I’ll give it right back and tell them the truth! Either they will learn something and be more empathetic or they’ll think before they ask someone such a personal question!  I also tell people now that we did it IVF. I think it’s very important that we talk about these things and people do not feel weird for doing fertility treatment. Also, I cannot believe that people still ask others “are you pregnant?” It’s like ugh if you only knew. And if I wanted to tell you, trust me I’d do it on my own time!  People are so rude!

When Are You Having a Baby?

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