WILL IT BE ME OR HIS FRIENDS?

Hi,

I’ve been with my partner for 4 years and in that time have gone through what feels like a lifetime of things. From family deaths and suicides, to moving away from his hometown, family disputes and many more.

I also would like to say I have a complex with people who cheat in relationships, I struggle to trust them as friends and its something I’m working on as I get quite attacked for being judgmental but I am just so exhausted of having fake people in my life. Loyalty in friendships and relationships is huge for me,

He’s friends are amazing, some of them at least. I know every friend beings you something in life and we should be grateful for whatever that is but should I have to be friends with his friends if they aren’t nice to me? Ere is a couple, who we were so close with at the start but the more I got to know her the more I questioned her as a person. Then I find out she has cheated on him multiple times with his friends and workmates and he is more worried about others finding out than her unloyalty, They start things between myself and my sister in law to divide my partner and his brother, unfortunately she takes the bait everytime and they are all best friends now.

Everytime I bring up how I’m feeling or what they have said it’s brushed over or we end up sitting there arguing each other’s side, he always seems to try and explain his friends but I feel if things were reversed I would be furious that someone could make him feel like that, and one of my friends omg I just wouldn’t let that happen. I think that’s why I’m so confused when he doesn’t ever really stickk up for me. I understand friends are important to some people but ive unfortunately learnt from a young age that not everyone who stands with you has your back and I feel he gets used a lot by people because he is so nice and always wants things to be happy. But it’s coming at my expense. I shouldn’t have to question if he is going to be there, having my back if I ever needed it, that’s heartbreaking to think the person I want to spend the rest of my life with maybe wouldn’t do that for me because he wouldn’t want to upset someone else.

We have spoken about marriage and love each other to bits but I’m questioning weather this is what it’s supposed to be, I feel like he finds it easier to not have any tension with anyone even though he knows it hurts me.

What should I do or say to talk about this with him??