currently 4am and this is long so prepare yourself: i’m not sure how close me and this guy ( we’re both in ninth grade ) were before we started talking but all i know is that we were good friends before we became a thing. we talked more than we usually do for about two weeks and i got closer to him during those two weeks. we finally confessed feelings at the very end of oct. we were a thing all nov. and damn was that the best first relationship ever. he told me he loved me and i couldn’t say it back because i’m big on love... like i LOVE love and i’ve heard the stories and the consequences on moving fast in relationships. the first few times he came over, we had time before we would have an event to go to so he would want to cuddle but i was cautious because i didn’t know what to do. but i made up excuse for us not to hang. first one was homework, later on in the day we watched netflix and he had his arm around me. second one.. i think i had to fold laundry idk. third one, i did dishes. i really wish i wasn’t such a wuss but i was so. he would walk me to class everyday and we would facetime every night. we didn’t have any classes together but we had one class in common. he stole my first kiss the fourth week we were together and it wasn’t the best first kiss because i really did not know what i was doing... god that’s embarrassing. it’s now the beginning of dec. and his feelings for me had “gone away” and he went back to the girl he got rejected by before he started talking to me. all because i had a volunteering event that night so he went to the girl’s house because his bestfriend was going there because HIS girl was there. my sister was also there so she basically “fifth wheeled” i’m close friends with that girl. honestly she’s hard to hate. i cried all the way home from the volunteering event and the night just got worse. my dad is like the designated driver so when we went to go pick up my sister, we had to take home this guy and his bestf. all the way home my sister would ask me if i was okay because i wasn’t talking. when i got home i went straight into my room. i think he called me or i called him idk but he told me how his feelings vanished whatever. few days later, ofc i’m livid so i made the mistake of telling him to choose between me and the girl and that just made it worse between us but i didn’t know what to do because again, first relationship EVER. fast forward to today, i’m doing better than i did in dec. i want to try again with him because i can’t leave it at “that” knowing that we had something. i think it’s safe to say that him and that girl are over but i wouldn’t know. honestly i hate how my friend group just date each other instead of people outside of our group. i long for the moment when nobody dates each other and we’re all just a happy group of friends. anyways, if you read through all of that, THANK YOU. but like help bc i really want him back even though it’s been like 3 months since we ended. i told my friend that i want to wait until he knows what he wants and that i’d give home two years but i’m scared he’ll find someone new by then. this guy was my first everything. sorry if i sound so stupid and dramatic but i know what i want when it comes to love, i didn’t think i’d ever be with him bc he dated my ex-bestf, i never even thought of him that way but when i caught feelings for him, i couldn’t just drop them. i wanna say i love him but i’m scared that people who say “you’re too young to know what love is” is right.