Why??? 😭😭😭💔💔💔

My heart hurts... Literally crying my eyes out... was planning to test today (Sunday) as AF is due Tuesday. No cramps or anything. I went to bathroom decided I was gunna shower and thought I’d check my cervix and CM. Cervix was in between low and high, and very very soft. Cm was watery. I had 1 tiny spot of old blood on my fingers. Took a shower and decided I’d check 1 more time and now I’m spotting. Only if I’m all up in there. Nothing on a pad... guess it’s CD 1 for me 😭😭😭😭😭😭 why why why is it so hard to get pregnant??? What am I doing wrong??? I thought for sure we did it. 13 months!!!! On to month 14. It’s not fair. I should have known. I been spending the last almost 2 weeks symptom checking and patiently waiting for Sunday (today) I’ve been looking at cute ideas to announce to my hubs our first. I was so confident. We tried to BD more this cycle. Even used preseed and opks this cycle..