Hate. I was physically and mentally abused growing up. My Brother told me how ugly i was everyday. I did Ballet and was told i was too fat. I had an eatimg disorder. I got raped. No guy ever liked me until i lost weight. One told me how hot id Gotten. Some didnt recognize me. Felt awful. Fell in Love and got my first kiss at 21. He didnt stay Or become my Bf. I loved him a year apart while he was w someone else. Then we met again and the magic was still there. I lost my consenting virginity with him. Its The only sexual experience i ever wanted Or enjoyed. A few days later he comfessed to still being in a relationship. I was crushed. I tried to move on. I met another guy and forced myself to like him. But he only Wanted me As a sex toy. He told me he wasnt going to touch me knowing What id been though if he didnt want me to be His  gf Or future wife. But he did. Then he fell off earth and popped up on fb w a new girl then he decides to Tell me he didnt think it was working. He completely blindsided me and lied About WHO he was As a Person. I cringe to think of him touching me. I am still friends w my first. And i also still Love him despite His obvious flaws so please Dont judge for that. I only want to be intimate w him but he doesnt know how i feel lives far away, he is a free bird. And im stuck frustrated and alone and unable to connect with anyone enotonally Or sexually.