My best friend since we were very little until I was 11 him 12 than we had a falling out due to people shipping us now I didn't like him like that and thought it was no big deal well to him it was so he started ignoring me then bullying me I saw him as a big brother at that point well let's say that happened for half a year than he moved to Jakarta for like 3 and a half years now one detail I forgot to say was in 5th grade before I moved to his school from bullying he kissed me so he was my first kiss anyway I have seen him a couple times at Christmas and New year's since than but it was awkward and I found out he has a girlfriend so I'm like i started feeling like this after he left and after my family had alot of deaths and I had no friends so I don't if it's because I actually do have feelings for him or it's just because I want love from a person I have a hard time with my family he also saved me from suicide literally at the start of last year so my life sucks but in not sad he has a girlfriend I'm more sad that he doesn't want to come back so I think I just want or need someone to love me