I guess this post is for stress release more than anything but I can't help but be terrified, excited and downright anxious. Its CD 51 and I feel like I'm going crazy. My body is telling me one thing but every HPT is saying the opposite (I still have one test which couldve been a vvfl but every test after that has been an obvious BFN).

I had an appointment with my OB yesterday and I am currently waiting on a blood test back but I can't help but to be nervous; all signs point to pregnancy (nausea, occasional puking, food aversions, smell sensitivity, breasts slowly becoming larger, nipples darkening and widening out, hips widened out a few weeks ago, dull throbbing cramps, stitch like ribpain, uncontrollable chaotic emotions, clothes not fitting how they did the week previous and a bit more) but I cannot get a positive HPT. I feel so frustrated cause Ive felt "different" for a while and I just have this nagging, annoying, gut feeling that I may be carrying more than one but I keep dismissing it cause, if I am pregnant, this is my first and that thought alone terrifies me to the core, let alone two!

I just want to know if I even have a lilypad on the way, I dont want to think about two but that thought keeps forcing its way in. I just have a gut feeling that when I get that call from my Drs office that my HCG levels are either going to be really high or too low, but still positive. I'm just scared to death cause my period has never been this late and so far its been over a month since my last one (cycles are usually 26-31 days and its been way past that) and id rather be pregnant than have something go wrong with my ovaries or, even worse, have something go wrong with this pregnancy. I just turned 19 at the beginning of march and I dont know what to expect at all; my Dr didnt really even acknowledge the fact pregnancy could be a possibility (he did but kept dismissing it) and just kept talking about how it could be stress related and my period is just skipping itself (which it NEVER does, or has ever done, and I've made sure to keep my stress levels down as much as possible just in case I am expecting). I just want to cry over all this simply because I FEEL it, or them, on a spiritual level and ive been way too hormonal, bloated and moody to not realise something is up with me without af showing up. I just want to trust my intuition but its so hard to when the physical evidence just doesnt match up. I just want a confirmation (or denial) already. 😭😥😭