Nair is a bad idea

Y’all I got a story.

I had an appointment with my gynecologist and it had been like 4 weeks since I’d shaved my legs and let’s just say if I’d went in like I was my doctor would’ve had ‘Welcome To The Jungle’ stuck in his head all day.

I went bought a pack of new razors. Went home and mentally prepared to shave everything lip hair to toe hair. What can I say I’m a fur beast.

I get everything done but my veen. I’m sweating. I’ve got shaving cream everywhere. Even my dog had a dollop on him. I’m so so so done at this point. And I’ve got to be there in 2 hours.

A light bulb goes off. And from my cabinet I hear a bottle of baby oil scented nair singing my freedom song.

I slather my veen like a birthday cake. Full thing. Can’t have a hairy butt can we? Everyone knows that thing will be hanging off the table once the stirrups come out.

I wait the requested time. Everything seems great. Haven’t been this smooth in forever life is amazing. Throw on some Winter Candy Apple from bath and body and I’m confident.

My name is called and I’m handed the tiny pee cup. Now the bathroom is right off the waiting room and you can hear everything. And there’s a packed house.

I had not peed since my de-furring. Ya know toilet paper residue is a problem. I pee. I kid you not it felt like someone poured acid on my veen and butt. I slap the walls I cried out for mercy. Y’all it was bleeding.

At this point, screw toilet paper residue.

I am then sent back to the waiting room. Everyone watches me gingerly sit cocked to the side. And who knows what they think.

I finally get into the room and into the paper towel gown that most certainly was not made for plus sized girls. I tell the doc that I’ve got some razor burn. I’ve got pride I can’t admit that I poured harsh chemicals on my most sensitive areas. My doctor does his thing.

He pops up like a freaking meerkat and asks if I’m okay and that I should probably not do whatever I did again. No problem buddy. You’ll need a back pack and a snack next time because you’re gonna have to hike through the forest.

Moral of the story, either spring for a wax, be comfortable with the hair you grew, or throw that leg up on the wall and shave your heart out. It ain’t worth it.