Am I being selfish?

Me and my husband discussed and came to terms that we will try for another baby by the end of this year. But the more and more I think about, I dont think I want another baby. First of all I had a terrible birth experience with my now 18month old. My husband is in the army so he wasn't there for the birth, or the first six months of my son's life, he is always working and right now I feel like a single mother. He is not present even when he is home is like all he wants to do is sleep rest and not deal with anything, and for that reason I dont think I can handle having another child practically by myself. I feel selfish because I wanted my son to have someone else to play with, and when we get older and die he would have a brother or sister to lean to. But other than that I cringe at the idea of getting pregnant and fat again, the horror of being in labor, and the loneliness of going to events for kids and being the one mother without a husband there. I'm just actually really sad about this because this has made me think about my relationship with my husband i just feel awful to think that we are not compatible anymore. I understand he works hard for us. But all of this is just making me feel bad, and sad. I'm not sure how to go about it and talk to him, because I know he will get in defence mode.

Update:

Thank you guys for responding, I guess in the post it seem like I didn't know about the army and stuff, but I'm usually the army wife who helps other go through it, I was active duty myself as well so I understand the pressure and the other stuff that comes with it. I guess I'm just new to the mommy and stay at home wife situation which for me has been harder than dealing with the bullshit that the army does sometimes. I guess I've always been a independent, hard worker kind of woman. Not so much to stay at home and take care of kids. And dont get me wrong I love the quality time I get to spend with my son, I just feel that sometimes I get overwhelmed. And I feel like my husband thinks that since now he is the sole breadwinner that I should care for my son 24/7 without complain because I get to stay home and not deal with the bullshit he deals with everyday. I still haven't talk to him, but I will and hopefully he understand and maybe if he changes maybe I'll reconsider, but for now I'm going to focus on my son, and myself. Thank you again for responding.