MIL is upset - long post.
She cried during our last weekly visit. Her and FIL stay for about 6 hours, I always give the baby up and only get her back when it’s time to nap and eat. MIL jumps in and takes over even if I’m sitting right there. Baby has started the separation anxiety phase, baby napped 20 min in 6 hours so I KNEW she was tired and cranky. Those things I explained to MIL, and I even let her try console baby who was staring and reaching and hysterically crying for mom. When I took her back she got up and cried “she doesn’t know me enough!” I usually bite my tongue but I had said “no, she’s just tired and had separation anxiety, it’s normal for babies this age!” (7months). When my hubby came home she kept saying “she only wanted her mom” MULTIPLE times, in a snootier voice than I’ve ever heard come from her. I cried. It made me feel like shit. I would hope my daughter preferred me over her. I go out of my comfort zone every time they come over, or we visit. But her obsession with trying to take over as babies mother, being passive aggressive, is making me feel a little resentful.
Don’t get me wrong, in the last 8 years I’ve known her we’ve always had a great relationship. She’s the sweetest person, she’s understanding, she’s my go to when I need help with stuff, even over my own mom. I do love the woman. But man is she suddenly difficult!
Hubby had said it too, she’s obsessed with our baby lol he calls her a “lingerer”. Shes always saying she kisses her phone and photos of baby, tells us every time we see them she wishes they lived next door. (They live 20 min away). She guilt trips us into visit more than once a week “we just miss her so much and she grows so fast we are missing her learning so much!” ONCEIF NOT MORE A WEEK, they come by, for 6 hours of non stop contact with her lol. Gah!
I understand it though, first grandchild, first girl, as she has two boys. My baby is “the daughter she never had” so she tries to be the mom, she’s slipped up quite a bit and calls herself mama. She makes me feel like complete shit when they are with my baby. She pushes my boundaries, disrespects my wishes of not sticking their fingers in babies mouth among other things. I feel like I’m not allowed to be my babies mother when she’s around, I feel obligated and guilted into letting her have my baby all to herself when were all together. It’s hurtful to me. I never feel comfortable sticking up for myself. It’s hard. There’s so many details I could add. I should add tho, hubby had called her out on things but it never seems to ‘click’.
How do you cope with that? I’ve already talked to her once, she was more than understanding, as I assumed she would be.. she has improved but she has started guilting more & being passive aggressive. I sugar coated things last time, which is not like me. I’m thinking of talking to her again but being more “me” about it. If I come across as a little harsher, then I don’t feel I should have to feel bad about it, I’m getting more anxiety and feeling worse every time we see them. And I don’t want to be.
Thoughts, suggestions? I’m not looking for people to be rude. Just a little help would be nice. TIA
- one frustrated, slightly resentful, anxious, mama.