How Do I Do This?😩

Question

I am thrilled because my husband and I just found out we are pregnant with our second child! We had to TTC around his deployment schedule and honestly feel so blessed that it took less that a year.😅
BUT, my sister suffered a miscarriage with her first pregnancy in November 2018. I was there with her and saw how horribly sad she was, and she still is sometimes. She still isn’t pregnant again either.
So how in the world do I tell her I’m pregnant now? I want to be sensitive to her feelings but I also want to celebrate and enjoy my pregnancy. I have no close friends aside from my husband so my sister is really the only person I can share this with.☹️ 
I’m still early in the first trimester so I have time before I even want to announce, but this is weighing heavily on me. Any advice you ladies can give me would be so so appreciated, especially if you’ve ever been in my shoes or my sisters shoes. Please help.😩

Answer

I found this article really helpful to pull ideas from when telling my sister. 
Be upfront, honest, and considerate.
One of the best things someone can do if they’re trying to get pregnant is to talk to their friend who’s struggling with infertility and let them provide guidance on how they think they’d like to get the news when the time comes. Simply saying “I’m trying to get pregnant, and if it happens, I’d like to share the news with you — but I want to be sure to do it in a way that you’re comfortable with. I know this has been so painful for you, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to put a brave face on and pretend to be fine if you’re not. So, you tell me what you’re ok with: how you’d want me to let you know, if you’d want to be invited to the shower, if you think you’d need space while I’m expecting — we can navigate this together, because I love you and support you no matter what.”
Don’t surprise them, or make them react in front of others.
Some of my worst experiences were the surprise announcements at events and during the holidays. Also, phone calls announcing the pregnancies were the absolute worst. In these situations, I had no time to prepare or process the information and was taken completely off guard, which usually resulted in a lot of awkwardness and me desperately trying to hold back tears before I could find a place to hide or hang up the phone.
However, I had one friend who was so kind and understanding and went out of her way to research how to tell me she was pregnant. She sent an email. And gave me the time and space to process it. She told me that there was no pressure to respond; that she completely understood if I needed some distance from her during this time. She told me she loved me and she would be there whenever I was ready to talk. Then she sent ME flowers to let me know she was thinking about me. I recognize that many people wouldn’t go above and beyond this way, but I will never forget how thoughtful she was to me during the most difficult period of my life.
Let them work through their feelings and don’t take their response personally.
My best advice to those supporting a friend through infertility and loss is to simply be there. Acknowledge her feelings, and let her know that you understand. And for goodness sakes, don’t take any negative emotions or bad days personally. We love you. We are happy for you. Our emotions are just part of a grieving process in which we have little control. And if you remain a good friend while we process, the day will come when can genuinely ask about your pregnancy and share in your joy.
— Carol S.

Answer

I’ve been on the side of your sister where a close friend announced a pregnancy about a month after my loss and it killed me. 
But my pain had nothing to do with her and her happiness or even my jealousy. It was just the reminder of what I had lost.
Honestly, she may feel that hurt when she finds out but it’s not your fault and you shouldn’t let it rob you of your joy during this time. 
You’re obviously concerned about it now and understand her pain and not to flaunt it in her face so just being considerate of that while giving yourself the freedom to be happy too. ✨🤗 You deserve to be happy!

Answer

http://theeverygirl.com/how-to-tell-someone-who-is-struggling-to-conceive-that-you-are-pregnant/
That’s the full article if you want to check it out. It’s such a hard thing. I guess my takeaway was just to tell her and tell her that I understand if she has feelings of being upset and I won’t take them personally at all and for her to take any time she needs to process it etc.

How Do I Do This?😩

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