I was relaxing by myself in my home and snacking on apple slices. All the sudden I guess I just went dumb and forgot to chew it all the way and it got lodged in my throat and I started choking. I tried coughing it up for a moment and then I had to think about what to do. I thought about calling 911 but I couldn’t talk to tell them anything plus they wouldn’t make it fast enough. So I start beating and slamming my back into the wall and then the door frame over and over and over again as hard as I could and the apple slice flew out and I had tears in my eyes. I have no idea if this was a good idea or a bad idea but it worked.

That would have been a really shitty death. Death by apple slice.