I feel like absolute shit. I’m a waste of space and I know it. I want to die but I’m too much of a coward because I hate pain too much to attempt anything stupid. Pill popping would be easier if I didn’t have a smaller than normal fucking throat. I get choked easily.

I’ve spent a large majority of my 27 years feeling like I had no true purpose except helping people and I can’t even get that right. All my friends are in love. Me? I don’t know that feeling. Never been in a relationship. Never felt a spark with anyone. Never knew what it was like to have my feelings reciprocated. I’m damn near 30 and my first kiss was 2 yrs ago with a drunk dude who just wanted to get laid. How romantic. He wasn’t even a good kisser. Every dude that expressed some interest in my almost immediately moved on to someone else like I didn’t even matter.

Not having love isn’t the worse part but it’s a prominent feeling. I don’t get a lot of it. My dad only has one kid and he lives without me just fine. His while side of the family does. My moms side hangs around to see me fail at life and they don’t bother hiding their laughs. Never have, never will. On top of the constant steam of bullshit in my life, I’m obese as fuck with fat in the hardest places to get rid of. I have all the “bad” fat while society is finally accepting of the “good” fat. I’m large with no ass, batwing arms and saggy tits. Can’t even fuck my feelings away cause even I don’t like seeing me naked. But batwings and saggy tits are so hard to lose I’d have to pay money I don’t have to even be considered sexy. Talking about money now, I have debt and no degree to show for it. I had to drop out due my raging undiagnosed depression and anxiety.

I’m a clusterfuck of unwanted qualities. My first time will probably consist of me ramming a dildo up my cooch while hugging a pillow to feel warmth or paying some random hot dude to help me out and pretend to love me. I’ll definitely end myself after that. I’m pathetic I know. If you read this then I hope you find a $20 bill soon for wasting your time on me. ✌🏽