I have had 2 miscarriage one in 2017 and one just recently April 2 2019 and this is the hardest one yet.

My heart is so broken. I do not know how to cope with this. Every time I get on Facebook someone is pregnant there is literally 7 people I know that is pregnant and I just found out my step sister as pregnant making it 8. Every time I get on Facebook or Instagram and I see someone new pregnant all I can do is cry and wonder what it is I’ve done to deserve another miscarriage. I am trying so hard to understand this but I can’t seem to understand it.

It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve MC and I’m still currently bleeding and it’s weird bleeding. I don’t know if it’s normal and my OBGYN won’t see me so I’m not sure what to do. I am still passing tissue here and there and I’m still bleeding bright red. I’m not sure if that’s something I need to worry about. Like this morning. When I wiped there was blood but it was clear liquid mix with blood and then another time I wiped there was a white clear greenish mucus. When I sit to pee it feels like something is blocking me from peeing and it hurts. I’m not sure what I should do in regards to this if my OBGYN won’t even see me.

I pray that I can have a easy, healthy pregnancy with no worries. And just have a healthy 8 pound baby (that’s pushing it lol) and be a great mother! That’s literally the only thing I want but I’m so scared to try again because if I MC again I think I may lose it. I’m afraid of losing another baby. I’m afraid of getting tested and them telling me I am not able to have a baby. I’m just terrify of so many things it could be because all I’ve ever wanted ever since I was a child was to be a mother and now it’s so hard for me to be a mother. Please pray for me to find guidance and peace and pray that I am able to have a healthy baby when the time comes. Any other advice would be greatly appreciated.