I was supposed to be due the end of this month. I was supposed to be a mother for Mother’s Day. I signed up for every email and alert as soon as we found out. I’m still getting some of them.

“Your baby is as big as a ___” to “what you should be packing your hospital bag!”. Formula samples and coupons in the mail. I will never forget the baby that was supposed to be but these reminders are brutal.

I want nothing more than to be a mother. I want nothing more than to will the baby that was, to be the baby that will still be.

But it isn’t and it won’t be and I’m still not pregnant. And I’ve never felt something like this.

I’m sorry to all of you who are here with me. It’s the worst place to be. I hope and wish and even pray, though I’m not much for praying, that this is our month. ❤️