My name is Amber I have two beautiful little boys but always wanted a little girl. My mother always wished that for me too but sadly she has passed. I became pregnant last year but lost the baby at about 7 weeks for no apparent reason. We started trying again immediately and I was pregnant again in September. Everything was going well besides needing progesterone pills. We had our gender reveal and to my shock it was a girl! We would finally be able to use the name we saved for so long Maci Jade. Fast forward to Christmas day, it was a good day until I got to work that evening. It was a very stressful night at work and when I got home late that night I felt a very strong kick, more of a "push" as if she had stiffened up straight. That was the last time I felt her move but I kept telling myself everything was fine even though my gut told me something was very wrong. We had our next appointment on the seventh of January and the Dr was in high spirits until I mentioned I hadn't felt her in the past couple weeks. She went straight to look for the heartbeat and the look on her face told me what I needed to know. I delivered my beautiful baby girl on January 12 and life has not been easy since. I tried to drown my sorrow in liquor and drugs and ended up almost losing my life and spending the majority of the beginning of 2019 in hospital. We are finally at a point where we want to try again and if we conceive this month the due date would be my mother's birthday and I feel like she is going to send me this beautiful healthy baby girl. Butttt testing time falls in the same week maci should have been born. So many mixed feelings. Send me all the good vibes