So I am writing this out more for me to get out of my head and onto "paper", it's been bouncing around and I need to find the words that will explain what I am feeling. To give a little background I am the youngest of 4 children all of whome are married with successful jobs.  Everyone in my family is extraordinarily smart and talented, my dad is a retired MillWright he has built the last three houses our that he has lived in, the houses he designed and built if sold today would go for about 300,000 in a poor area of Washington. My mom is an accomplished artist, she does absolutely beautiful work! She teaches classes and does workshops.  My oldest sister is a bank regional manager, over three different states, my brother is an engineer a successful one, and my other sister is a product manager for a company that we work for.  I am her assistant, here is my problem, I know I am feeling envy for what my sister has , the one I work with, her husband has a wonderful job that brings in enough that she doesn't have to work but does cause she wants the little extras in life that are fun, and I totally get that! She is this blessed smart women who is also a talented artist who has amazing craftiness coming out of her ears! And I love her and the rest of my family with all my heart! But I feel this disgusting envy and lack of worth when I stand next to them...  Here is what my talents look like, I am not talented I can't draw, I can't sew, I am not crafty like they are. My husband and I are barely making ends meet! We literally had $6 left over from our last paycheck the day we got it! I can't remember  the last time we got to go spend money on something frivolous that we didn't need to make it through to the next day! I can't say that it's all bad, I would rather live everyday like this with my husband and son than be without them and financially secure.