So I’ve been hooking up with this guy since January and I think he doesn’t want to date me because I won’t have sex with him. I want to save myself for marriage and I’ve always been very secure in that, but oh myyyyy this man really turns me on. I literally cannot stop thinking about letting him fuck. I know letting him take it would be a bad decision that I’d regret but I don’t even know how to process how horny I am for him all the damn time. He’s also my dream guy (6”7’, athletic, nice, funny, makes sure I orgasm first, respectful, never makes me feel pressured, etc) We have anal and it’s painful in the moment but it’s also really fun idk what to do. I also get really nervous when I see him around campus and I don’t let him talk to me in public which I feel bad about but I feel too ugly for him and I get super anxious 😩😩😩 thoughts?

**UPDATE: I’m aware that anal is still sex!! 😂I meant I’m saving vaginal sex for marriage because I think it’d be special to have that one thing I just shared with my husband 🤷🏻‍♀️ I know this sounds strange and I lot of ppl (probably rightfully so) hate on me for it but I’m afraid that vaginal sex is too intimate and emotional to just be physical...it’s kinda hard for someone to be more loving when they’re pounding ya ass 😂🤪 idk I really am a mess I just really like this guy and I wish I was normal and not so awkward around him and could just fuck him but I’m just not there 🤦🏻‍♀️