I HATE the way I look 😭

I'm 6 months pp. While I love that my body was able to grow my beautiful son. I hate my body, my face, everything. I use to have so much confidence. I would do my makeup and hair everyday! I had what my class mates and friends called a Barbie body.

I loved taking pictures of myself and sharing them on social media! I thought I was hot shit. I use to send sexy pictures to my SO all the time. I loved being on top during sex. Walking around our home with no shirt on.

Now he's lucky if he gets a picture of our son and I in the same photo. Me being on top is a no now because I feel like I'm an elephant riding a giraffe. And if we do have sex. No lights at all and my shirt stays on. I look at myself in the mirror and I want to throw up. So no way I'm letting him see me.

I'm at the heaviest I've ever been, with stretch marks, a stomach I can grab and jiggle, I can't fit into over half my clothes, hell I don't even have a bra that fits me properly. My SO has tried to take me shopping but I don't want to get anything. I don't want to see what size I am. I don't want to put something on and say it's too small.

My confidence has really taken a toll on not just me but my relationship. I don't want to go out on dates with my SO because I never feel beautiful even when he's telling me a thousand times. I don't look what I use to when we first met. I've tried to do my makeup and my hair like I use to more often to boost my confidence. But I can never find the time. And my hair forget it. It's falling out like crazy.

I feel like a stranger in my own body. I look at myself with discuss everyday. I miss the way I looked like. I miss my confidence. I miss being excited to go somewhere with my man. But now all I want to do is stay home. I don't want to leave and hang out with anyone. My man and I have been on 2 dates since having my son.

This post is not supposed to be like a poor me post. I've just been bottling this up for so long I just needed to get it out.