Am I (adopted) a problem?

Question

So a few weeks ago my boyfriends mom and I went for a walk and the conversation of children got brought up. I told her that her son and I have talked about adopting. I am adopted. I have been through a lot of things in my life but I didn't ask for them and nor do I expect sympathy about it. She later told my boyfriend (her son) that "adopted children are a problem you don't want". You have no idea how much that hurt my feelings. I don't want to think my parents look at me as a burden. So now I sit and ask myself if I should say something to her or if I should let it go bc I'm not suppose to know anyways and I don't want my boyfriend to feel uncomfortable. What do you think I should do?

Answer

I am adopted so my heart hurt for you when I read this. You are not a burden and it isn't fair of anyone to claim that children would be before they know the child. Adopted children can go through some delicate rough patches but so can anyone. I tip my hat to anyone who wants to adopt.
As for the bf's mom....one thing my mom told me before I got married is you not only marry the man but his family. If this woman knew you were adopted and said this anyway then by all means it needs to be addressed while you are still dating. You might want to handle it calmly, but I would be livid. 
If she doesn't know then I would talk to him first and if he wants to talk to her about it first so as to pave the way for you and her to have a heart to heart then great. If not, let him know you intend to talk to her and just casually bring up adoption again sometime then slip in an 'adoption is very dear to me considering I am adopted.' 
Hope this helps. Best wishes to you. <3

Answer

Adopt kids then tell her she can't be around your problem children. I'm adopted and for her to say that is one of the most ignorant things I've heard in a while. Our parents chose us out of love not out of obligation. It sounds like she doesn't deserve wonderful grandchildren of any sort.

Answer

My husband and I adopted our daughter through foster care and she was almost 2 years old when she was placed with us. I knew she was mind the first time I saw her picture. My husband fell in love when he met her. 
I was concerned about my in laws having issues with a grandchild that isn't biological. They love her if she is. We often get comments on how she looks like us.

I hope that your mother in law will fall in love with any future children you have no matter how they come into your life. 
hugs!

Answer

Does she know you are adopted? If so I could not let that slide. It's rude and needs to be addressed. But I would talk with your boyfriend first. Maybe sit his mom down for a talk.

Answer

I would say something. I'm assuming they don't know you are adopted? If so, I would find a way to bring up the topic again and explain where you are coming from. If they do know, then I would honestly tell her that if that's the way she feels, she doesn't need to be apart of your or your kids lives. You don't need that kind of negativity and neither do they. And never ever question your worth or if your parents love you. They wanted you, they loved you from the second they got that call. It is an amazing bond and no one has the right to put doubt into your head about it.

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That hurt my feelings for you ... I wouldn't say anything unless the subject came up again .

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I don't think I could let that slide. How does your husband feel about adopting. Ultimately it's yalls choice to make together. That's not the type of grandma I would want around my child.

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You are not a problem nor your possible adopted children! Children are a blessing and who better to know it than someone who adopted a child and the adopted child themselves! I understand only a fraction of your world as two of my cousins were adopted but our family loves them no less!

Regarding telling. I have strong feelings about getting into it with possible in laws vs in laws. 
If you were say engaged or married to this guy I'd say tell her your story and how what she said hurt you. But, I say wait until it comes up again and then say your feelings because you never know what could happen in this relationship.
Just my thoughts.

Answer

unfortunately people do not understand adoption and the love that encompasses that bond. I have 5 younger siblings all adopted from China and they are my world. I couldn't imagine my life without them. I look at them no different than I do my siblings who are biological.

I know that her comment hurt you and I'm sorry anything negative was ever said. But... never let her make you question your self worth. You are loved.

Answer

I would tell them both u are adopted. U are obviously upset about it. Tell them. She doesn't know she's done anything wrong. She will probably apologize.

Am I (adopted) a problem?

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