So some background info. My bf and I have been together for over a month, he is the sweetest, most caring, thoughtful man ever. We have intelligent conversations and it just feels natural to be together, like we’re an old married couple. In the bedroom, he likes to be rough, i’m talking borderline BDSM, dominance, choking, handcuffs, the like. But he also knows how to be passionate so there’s a good balance, and I love every part of it.

I was just told by one of his past partners that he tried to force him self on her. She said he was always fingering her when making out and tried to have sex with her, and tried to persuade her when she said no. They didn’t end up having sex. Knowing that he did this to another woman makes me uncomfortable, and I can understand how this would happen because of how dominant he likes to be in the bedroom. However, I never feel like i’m not consenting when I’m with him, because I love feeling submissive. One of the first conversations we had was about consent, because I always set the baseline with my partners, so we have good communication on terms of what is too far.

I’m just really upset by this news, because as a feminist I never want to make up excuses for a man in terms of consent. Obviously I’m going to talk to my partner about it but I would just like some thoughts. Should I feel guilty for being with him when he was forceful to someone else, even though I’ve never had that experience with him?