So real talk, I hate being outside. I hate the heat. I can be out for less than 5 minutes and burn. I despise bugs. I’m allergic to grass. And I have major allergies. And girlfriend, I’ve never been small. Okay? I don’t tan. I’ve got two colors: albino and lobster. And I spent a lot of my childhood being verbally abused bc I’m overweight and not cute in revealing clothes. Or basically shorts or bathing suits or whatever. I like winter. Coats. Scarves. Black. And snow and cold!

I’m also 35+2 weeks pregnant. The baby is low. I doubt I’ll make my due date. I’m struggling. I’ve been on “house rest” because I’ve had complications from a respiratory infection...the baby is fine. But I got sick months ago infections in my lungs and ears. The doctors have said even a cold would be bad for me because I’m so pregnant, they can’t treat anything without delivering. And if my lungs are bad, delivery is gonna be complicated. So there was no travel for spring break this week.

Now, I love my kids. I’d haul and go anywhere for them. I’ve been to the beach against all my insecurities. I wear shorts to be able to play with them. But seriously, it’s already 90 in April. And it’s spring break. And most of my maternity wear is winter as the majority of the last two pregnancies were in the dead of winter. We can’t go anywhere right now. And I just can’t chase two small boys around the park we have. It’s close to a river. And my youngest is quick. But they are tired with being inside. But seriously I’m a snow mom. Let’s bundle up and build a snowman and I’m all there. But the heat and our yard on the side of a mountain holds less than zero appeal.

Despite the pain in my lower belly, I threw on a ratty shirt and some maternity pants and we went outside. Bubbles. Sidewalk chalk, sandwiches under the carport. My oldest took a picture with me and said I looked horrible.

He’s not wrong. I feel swollen. My face has been broken out this entire last half of the pregnancy. My hair is long and unruly and my eyebrows desperately need to be done. I legit have been struggling through these last weeks. Im not the active mom I want to be. I mean I was the clean house, go to the park, TBall, meal planning, make the birthday cake with the kids help, and haul to the city for the children’s museum mom. My boy’s birthday is next week. I’ve got no plans.

Like I was in no mood to be outside. I was in no ability to chase my kids. I was hot before we ever walked out. But the guilt of not letting them run on a beautiful day weighed on me.

My neighbor (who is kinda an adopted grandpa since we have no family for hundreds of miles) cake and brought treats bc he saw us outside. He hasn’t seen me in a while because I haven’t been allowed to go anywhere or be at church. Even he mentioned I’m looking really big. (He meant no offense. I’m not offended. I’m

Huge. I feel like a beached walrus.)

But I was outside with dirty happy boys enjoying running out some energy.

So here is to the moms looking rough and trying to throw it aside for our kids. Pushing our insecurities for the sake of memories. And pushing our bodies to the finish line of pregnancy. We can do this. Hot mess, but making childhood great. I hope they won’t remember I was in extreme pain all day today. I hope they won’t remember I didn’t run as much as I usually would. I hope they remember they played. And they were messy. They got to eat pb&j outside. And hope they remember riding bikes under the carport.

And I hope they are down for a movie night because I’m legit spent. 😂