We just went through our third miscarriage last week and we’ve been TTC for two years now.

I definitely took the second miscarriage the hardest and I’m still having a hard time getting over it. It was the first one we told our parents about and we were all so excited. And then having to tell them that I’d miscarried was... awful. About a month and a half after that, my dad passed away unexpectedly. I am still angry that I took away his chance to be a grandfather and the joy he felt when I first told him.

When I found out I was pregnant again a couple weeks ago, I obviously was hugely excited. But after calculating out the EDD, it ended up falling on the day my dad passed, which was terrifying. I’m really sad that I had another miscarriage, but part of me is almost relieved that my child’s birth won’t be so closely tied to my dad’s death.

I feel really guilty that I’m not just sad about this miscarriage. But I’m still in the middle of grieving for my father and... I don’t know. I was just so scared to complicate everything more.

I’m not sure what the point of this is. I think I’m just struggling.