Venting :(

Stopped BC 3 months ago and spotted once (nowhere near a period). Of course being the girl I am have taken countless tests in hopes of a BFP although I know I most likely haven't ovulated. All negative. Started BC 10 years ago because of my abnormal periods, was just hoping after years of a regular cycle when I stopped they would be normal. But of course it seems I may be back to my crazy spread out periods. Sooooo discouraging :( making an apt with the gyno to see where I go from here. It's just so hard not to get down on myself and think "why me". Trying to stay positive!