Backstory: I met my first love 6 years ago. We were together a year. I was young and feared being stuck so I let things end but knew deep down we would end back up together. I had fun and dated other people for 2 years, nothing serious. Then, a little over 4 years ago, I met the man that I am with now. We have a home together. He can provide for me. I could potentially gave what would seem like the perfect life. (We are not engaged. But even from the beginning I have still contacted my ex (first love) to check in and see how he is feeling. I still miss him. I have told him I miss him and that I love him. I feel extremely guilty for all of this but I can’t help it. I love the man I’m with now and I can be content. But it’s not the passionate, body-consuming, and pure love that’s never left for the first guy. It’s not the love and happiness I always dreamed of. And I still know deep down that I am meant to end up with my first love. But leaving who I am with now will create infinite problems between our families and mutual friends. Buying our first home would have been pointless and a waste of time and money. I feel stuck. With signs and needs pulling me into both directions.

What am I supposed to do?