This is a long read! I fell pregnant on October 2016 and couldn't wait to be a mummy and then I miscarried at around 8 weeks. It broke me inside, I felt so low and it broke my heart into 10000 pieces. We bought a house, got organized for a little one coming along soon and tried again. 11 months later and I see a positive which made me feel whole again. I thought finally my time was here and again I miscarried at 7 weeks. So again I felt even more broken than before but thought it's ok one day it will happen, I stayed positive and again we tried, draining myself emotionally checking every week, knowing exactly when we should have sex etc. I felt lower than before because each month when my period came it hurt even more. So then June comes now 2018 and here was that beautiful positive again. Everything was ok, I got checked at 6 weeks due to bleeding a little the week prior. I hoped it would be ok! So I lay there once more and the scanned me for them not to see what they should but my HCG levels was ok so they became concerned. I had to stay in hospital. 5 am comes round and I'm in pain I've never felt in my life! Well it just so happened it ruptured in my tube. It was an etopic. So this nealy broke me and my partner. I got suicidal and so depressed. I felt this back hole inside me that just couldn't be fixed. As I slowly got myself out of that we stopped trying. I went on the pill but that make me bleed 3 weeks out of 4 and I was in agony! So off I came in February. April 13th and again a positive!! So I was terrified. I spotted Alot and it got heavier and I prepared myself to miscarry again but no clots. This scared me. I phoned the hospital and got a scan. My bloods were rising as they should! I thought fantastic! I got told my womb lining was thick but was too early to see anything. The doctor told me it was my right tube that got removed because she couldn't find it on the scan but apart from that and it all looked good. I wasn't convinced. I know my body and I knew something was wrong. I was sore on my side but they said it's not etopic. I tried to believe them. I got very sore on Tuesday so I phoned and went up. Again I had to stay and my bloods were still rising! But nothing still on my scan. Except a mass on my right hand side in my tube! A different doctor confirmed the mass was indeed not my tube but another etopic. I spoke with them and was going to get the lovely needle in my bum but I woke up this morning to the same pain as before and again it burst. I now have lost both my tubes and will never conceive naturally. I'm 21. My only option is <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>. <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a>? Why. Why me? What have I ever done to deserve this or my husband? All we wanted was to open our hearts to our perfect mini us and that has been taken away from me! I also find out I have endometriosis. Could this get any worse?

I am completely Numb. Something that should have been amazing has ruined my life.

I hate they never listened to me and checked more.

I hate the fact my husband is hurt.

I hate that I am now and always going to have parts of me missing.

It fucking sucks!