First of all I need to talk to some one really bad. I think I need a hug sometimes just like everybody else. Even though im pregnant and having a baby girl due August 22, 2019.

I just got off the phone with one of my closest family members and she was just asking me if I was doing ok. The reason is that I have Chronic Myeloid Leukemia (CML) and was diagnosed before getting pregnant, so guilty of my side becuase I wasn't "careful enough to not get pregnant" her words.

Words I never in life expected from her I have been with her through thick and thin. That has hurt me profoundly she knows I tried to get pregnant for over 5 years and lost a pregnancy of twins. Should I feel guilty of having a baby inside me even though I have Cancer? I feel so bad that I don't even want to see myself in a mirror.

Why are people so rude and judgemental over a woman who has become pregnant and has cancer? She even told me that of all 6 siblings I am the only one who has made our mother worry day and night because I am always hospitalized and that I probably got cancer because I didn't take care of myself.

What can cancer patients do to take care of themselves to be healthy and not have cancer? Is there something we can do so we won't get cancer on purpose? I don't undestand what I have done wrong to be going through this. In other words she literally blamed me for having cancer like if it was my decision, like if i would have had a bowl of decisions and chose cancer out of all.

Worse how can people of your own family, people who should be there with you no matter what. This person was my closest sister and she just made me feel so guilty and bad of myself like if it were all in my hands to say "oh I am going to get pregnant even though I have cancer and I know my baby and I might have consequences becuase I have to suspend my chemo". You don't get to decide what life will bring to you or when.

I trust in God and know that if he has allowed this to happen to me, it is because he knows I will be an excelent mother no matter what I go through. Even if I have to fight for my own life he knows I will make sure she is ok and that I will always be there for her. Should i feel this way??

My baby bump is getting bigger. Turned 23 weeks yesterday.