I’m almost 17 and I have it planned that I’m going to kill myself one day. Life is an endless cycle of pointlessness. I just do not see the point of being alive. I’m not gonna lie and say my life’s really shit and I’m really depressed and stuff because I’m not - I can go out with my mates sometimes and have fun and I can still feel happiness. But when I’m alone I just feel so weird? Not sad.. I can’t really explain the feeling. But I just think about how pointless everything is. I’m so unmotivated to do any college work. I don’t have any ambitions/passions or anything and I don’t want a job when I leave college. I’m just too lazy to do anything. Right now I have many things taken care of for me, for example, shelter, bills, food, clothes etc. I won’t be able to cope when I’m old enough to move out from living with my parents. I can’t picture a future because I’ve drilled it into my mind that I’ll eventually kill myself or hopefully die in a car accident or something. I just don’t understand how anyone wants to be alive and how anyone enjoys life. It’s pointless. I honestly can’t get my head round the fact that people are content on going to a dead end job and getting paid so they can afford basic necessities to live, and just go from there in an endless cycle. I don’t know. I guess I’m just not cut out for life. I’m genuinely just too lazy to live. I’m going to kill myself because I am too lazy to be alive.

Everyone tells me to go see a therapist but I don’t see the point. I don’t want help. I don’t want to get better. In some ways, I want to get worse and worse until eventually I don’t have the willpower to do anything, meaning I’ll finally be driven to suicide.