One of the hardest things to do in a marriage

First and foremost, I am in my first and hopefully only marriage. My husband and I got married on November 9,2018 at the courthouse for free. We didn't have a honeymoon phase and when I entered the relationship, after eleven years of being single and focusing on my son, he was recently divorced and in a huge custody battle over his daughter. So with all the court dates and appearances, finances being shot, an emergency hospitalization for his gallbladder removal, complete gut and remodel of the house and general life stressors there has been no time. These stressors have been going on constantly for over a year now and we are still in the midst of them- but towards the end.

He has finally hit his breaking point- stressed to the max and depressed. His personality is distant, flat, irritable. At first, this upset me personally, I felt neglected, hurt and unwanted. The pain I was feeling towards him, our marriage, the whole situations we are facing in life I turned into anger and we both projected onto each other- lasted for the last few months now. We both have said things we shouldn't and because he does not handle stress in the same way I do, it made him go deeper into a cave and become more irritable and seclusive to self.

I could not deal with it on my own, I finally had to confide and turn to guidance from my mother (married 40 years) and my friend that I trust. Through that I have realized something and I want to share it in case anyone else is dealing with similar problems, the thought of divorce pops into your mind, or your just feeling hopeless and helpless.

In a marriage, you both are a team through the best of times and through the worst of times. When your spouse hits rock bottom, you have to one realize the root of the problem and step up to the plate and be the stronger one who fights and carries the marriage through. You have to realize you may take some unwanted punches(not literally) that may hurt, but you have got to push past and know that what was said wasn't said to actually hurt you, but more projected in the heat of the moment. It's not about who is right, this isn't a competition. It's about acknowledging and being what your spouse needs, recognizing your own faults, being the change your marriage needs and being able to be the one who apologizes.

Right now, that is where I am at. I am doing my best to carry the extra baggage while my husband is down- for example extra housework, managing finances, avoiding confrontational subjects, giving him his alone time, packing him his dinner for work, leaving messages reminding him I'm still here and care about him,etc.

Please pray for anyone out there who may be going through a rough time who may not have anyone to pick them up when they need it, for strength, wisdom and the ability to reflect on themselves and their actions. And if that's you and want to talk feel free to comment, I'm no expert, we all are only humans, but I'm open to share and receive any positive vibes, words of wisdom or suggestions.