Been 6 weeks since my cervical biopsy. My appointment is set in the morning at 10 and I’m so scared. The news will either crush me or give me hope. Trying everything I can to stay hopeful like planning my wedding next year and looking at baby stuff ( I even purchased 1 or two items) but I’m going nuts at the moment cause in about 11 hours I’ll know my results. So far I’ve received bad news after bad news like Myomas Uterus, ovarian cysts and HPV. What if I have cancer? What if I’m not able to have anymore kids? Will I need major surgery? So many questions. I want to cry!

Here at work and I can’t focus. Trying to stay strong but I guess my coworkers can sense something is wrong. Every time someone ask if I’m okay I just want to ball out and cry. If they only knew. How do I tell them hey I have HPV and I may have cancer! How do I tell my family? My fiancé, mother-in-law and my mother are my biggest support system right now. What if my fiancé decide he can’t continue on with this relationship? I wouldn’t blame him, he deserve to be with someone who can birth his kids.

I feel so shameful. I was always careful... HOW? How could this happen to me? Who gave me HPV? How Long did I have it? Why me?

Don’t cry Jessica, don’t cry. Don’t let it show don’t let them see. You have to be strong, stay strong. Don’t let them see.