In love with someone else but we have a baby.

I have no where else to turn. I can't tell anyone else what I'm thinking for fear of judgement.

My boyfriend and I just had a baby. He's 9 weeks. In November of 2017 we broke up and didn't get back together until March 2018. During that time, I hung out very often with a male mutual friend of ours. He was his friend first.

Well I totally fell for him but the whole time I knew this guy would never do the relationship thing. And because he knew that's what I wanted, we never hooked up.

When I got back with my boyfriend, our male friend stopped talking to us.

The problem is that I can't stop thinking about him. I dream about him every night and I always bring him up in conversation without meaning too. I never told my boyfriend how I felt about this guy because I figured it would fade away.

Well it hasn't and now we have a little baby and I feel like the more I think about this other guy, the less I want my boyfriend.

I don't know what to do. I know that leaving the father of my child for some guy who doesn't even want a relationship is stupid and I won't do it. But I don't want to have sex with my boyfriend, I don't want to be around him, everything he does irritates me.

I thought this was just part of being a new mom, but now I'm not so sure. Can anyone relate or offer advice?