I keep falling for the same guy

Hey guys, so I'm really new to glow, but dont really have social media or friends I guess and I need some advice. When I was in middle school, I fell in love with someone who very quickly become one of my best friends. At the time, I didnt realize I was in love with him, and was actually in a relationship with someone else. The relationship I had been in wasnt very healthy, and ended really quickly after I fell in love with my friend (thought I wouldnt admit it at the time, a part of me feels like I finally emded it because of my friend). After I ended the relationship, I got even closer with my friend. We talked about everything and stayed up til 3 am with eachother. I was so crazy about him. I was really scared to tell him, and tried to kind of pull away. We just kept getting closer though all the way into high school. Then he started dating someone else. I was completely crushed, though I know I didnt really have a right to be. We stayed in contact for years and are now both adults, and still very close friends. We switch off having feelings for each other, and one of us always seems to be in a relationship. Currently, I'm dating an amazing man. He's so sweet to me and treats me like the best thing thats ever happened to him, and until recently I felt the same about him. I stopped talking to my friend for about a year as we both have demanding jobs and were both in comitted relationships. Though he messaged me about 2 weeks ago, telling me he broke up with his girlfriend, and moved out. We ended up deciding to hang out and it was absolutely amazing. We walked around for hours talking about everything in a way me and my boyfriend never really can. I love my biyfriend, but he doesn't do emotions well, and doesnt really understand mine. Anyway, my friend has always been that way for me. Always been someone I could talk to and relate with. We ended up getting caught in the rain it was like a fairytale. My boyfriend is in italy and has been for a couple weeks, and we havent been able to talk much becausr of the time difference, so it felt really good to be with, and talk tosomeone outside of my coworkers. But aside from that it was nice to be with my friend again. I thought I had gotten over him but all of the feeling came rushing back and my heart exploded. We hung out again the next day, and he told me he still had feelings for me. I panicked and told him I loved my boyfriend and wanted to just be friends and have a nice time. I know that was the right thing to do, but I also know I lied. And even worse, I feel as guilty as if I had cheated. I cant stop myself from falling in love with this boy and dont know how to be his friend and not have it kill me when I cant kiss him and be with him. I also just found out hes going into the army in a few months and plans to be there for a long time. I dont want him to leave not knowing how I feel in case I lose him forever, but I cant betray my boyfriend, because I love him so much too. What do I do?