Every time I have like a moment of self awareness I notice someone feminine about me and go back in to the dream like state

Feelings are hard life is dull

I want to get foam to make like a body padding to hide curves it gets really hot here but I can’t feel it as I said above

Does anyone else feel this

Does anyone with dysphoria know how to deal with it other then transitioning

like I feel like there’s two half’s of me stuffed together like play dough the pink side loves pink and dresses and stuff but the blue side is like NNOONOH and the purple mix is just doing the awkward thing with the face