I am 34 + 4 weeks!! And I still can't wrap my head around the fact there's hoing to be another human coming really soon!!

We tried so hard!! For so long!!

I had gotten pregnant the first time at 14. He was born at 25 weeks, took one breath and passed. Over the next 7 years, i had 4 more miscarriages.

In 2002, i again found myself pregnant. I had just left my abusive husband, and was in no place to consider a child, but i really thought he'd be the same as the others!! I remember still being in shock that he was real in the delivery room.

3 years later, I met my husband. Instantly we were in love. We wanted to expand our family almost immediately.

10 years! 10 pregnancies! All failed.

One at 20 weeks, one at 19 weeks one at 16!! We spent so much time focused on more children... I know my oldest son suffered.

Between the depression, toll it took on our family, marriage, finances, life in general... We decided to be done. For real done. I scheduled a hysterectomy for last summer.

We ended up moving quite quickly before surgery.

On Dec 2nd last year, i was in a bad fall... Like fell a whole story, broke the hell out of my left side of my body. When i had to go get xrays, thats when I found out i am pregnant!! I was already 14.5 weeks!!

20 weeks later, its still not 100% real. Even feeling him kick and punch, and 2 trips to l&d so far to stop labor... I still feel so disconnected!!

Today, my mother, who's refused to have anything to do with this pregnancy, showed up with 3 huge bags of baby clothes and took me to my Dr appointment. Like over 60 outfits!!

Then my husband and i went to walmart, bought diapers, finally!! And wipes and omg!! Its getting real!!

Kinda freaking out!!