Me and my partner have been trying for a baby for around 10 years. To be honest it’s been the worst 10 years of my life can’t seem to move on with anything in my life till we have a child. I’ve never falling pregnant naturally .

We was referred on to see a Fertility specialist back in 2013 however the NHS refused to do any testing as my BMI was not at 30 or under at the time I think it was around 34. I tired to lose weight on my own even seeing a personal trainer for over a year four times a week and I could not seem to get my BMI below 30 think I got it too 31 and went back to the NHS and still got the door slammed in my face

In 2017 me and my partner decided to go to a private fertility clinic to find out if we could get some help . We spoke around different types of <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">fertility treatment</a> and decided to go ahead with <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IUI</a> (intrauterine insemination) we done this twice but both times I did not work

In 2018 we decided to move on to <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> (<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">in vitro fertilization</a>) so we took out and 10k loan and prayed for the best . I responded really well to the medication, on collection day we ended up with 18 eggs and out of the 18 10 made it to a five day blastocyst.

In March last year we got the news I was pregnant this was the best day of my life. I didn’t know at the time about HCG beta numbers and how important they are but mine was at 26 on the 1st blood test then it went to 46 and then I didn’t have anymore. At around 6 weeks I started bleeding and to my surprise when I went for a scan baby was doing fine, I had on and off bleeding throughout most of my pregnancy each time resulted in me being in hospital even staying overnight and every time I was told my baby was fine and some woman bleed in pregnancy. At around 4 months pregnant I was spotting brown blood and I just has a feeling something wasn’t right so I took myself to the pregnancy unit. I went on my own as I had been so many times I did not want to worry anyone and to be hones with all the other scans being normal no one was that worried. I waited there for 6 hours to then we told my baby had died

The hospital was amazing they offered to plan the funeral for our baby and they did not ask us for any money to do this. 5 months later we decided to try again as we had 8 embryos left to be honest I was petrified to go again as I was so scared that I was going to lose another baby but I was left with very little choice as I want be a mum more than anything in the world. We decided to transfer 2 embryos and nine days later we got a positive pregnancy result but once again my HCG level was low and this time it was at 14. I went back 48 hours later and it went up to 60 and then decided not to do any more blood tests and wait it out. At 5w3days I stared bleeding went back for another blood test to be told my HCG had dropped and I had a chemical pregnancy, me and my partner was just devastated at this time but there was nothing we could do about it. I went back for a follow up appointment and I asked why this happened and to be honest they did not have any answer for us, the doctor said the embryos were good quality my lining was good my progesterone was good. I decided before we tried again I wanted to be referred on for recurrent miscarriage as me having a mid trimester loss and now a early loss with <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> (<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">in vitro fertilization</a>) I needed testing done and the NHS agreed.

After about 3 months we got the results back and everything came back normal so I took the results back to the <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> (<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">in vitro fertilization</a>) clinch and we planned the next steps. I wanted to give us the best chance for the next transfer to work as we was running out of money. The doctor decided to put me on more medication this time, I was put on steroids, blood thinning injections, Lubion, Progynova, cyclogest

The medication all together alone was horrible and very expensive but i had no choice I had to give us the best chance. Transfer was on 11/04/2019 and the 9days wait was horrible as many of you know. I went for my blood test and a few hours later the nurse called and said Anna your pregnant, at that moment I shouted out thank you god. I asked her what my HCG levels was and she said that’s the reason why I’ve called it’s low it’s at 22 :( my happiness soon turned into sadness and anger why is this happening again I said we transferred 2 good quality embryos all this added medication I just don’t understand. She said we need to repeat the blood test in 48hours, here we go more waiting this completely ruined our Easter I didn’t even go out just stayed at home didn’t wanna be around anyone. We went back for the blood test got a call a few hours later and she sent me a WhatsApp photo with the results And my beta was at 106. This was amazing news it really jumped up and I was trying to hold on to some hope. My partner came down as I was on the phone to the nurse as he could hear the Conversation and the look of hope on his face broke my heart cos I new it was still such early days. Around a week later I went to the toilet and there was a bit of pink blood when I wiped I new that bleeding in <a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">IVF</a> (<a href="https://glowing.com/glow-fertility-program">in vitro fertilization</a>) pregnancy was very common but I new that for me with my history was not a good sign. The rest of the day and night there was no bleeding at all, when I got up in the morning I went toilet and when I wiped there was brown blood and it was that moment I new something wasn’t right. There was not a lot just abit but I decided I was going to go to the early pregnancy unit. My partner was already at work so I txt him to tell him but I didn’t wanna worry him so I said it’s still really early to see anything so don’t worry ok. My sister wanted to come with me but to be honest I wanted to be alone I didn’t want anyone else have to witness if it was bad news. The worst happened again the doctor could no see anything and told we that it was most probably a chemical pregnancy but they wanted to do another blood test. Got the results a few hours later and was told my HCG was at 77 bad news it has dropped

It’s been a few days since I found out and to be honest I think I’m ok I’m just numb to it all I think but it’s my partner I worry about, he has always been so positive about everything and I can just see now that he’s just lost all hope. I have booked an appointment at the fertility clinic for next week and what I wanted to know is if any one reading this has any advice or can give me any questions I should be asking the doctors please can you let me know as I really am just lost with everything right now

Sorry this was so long and thanks for reading