Unhappy ?!?

Question

Hello this is my first.. my bf already has 2 boys.. 16 and 13(yes he started young)! His 16 year old wasn’t excited or happy after hearing we are gonna have a baby! He currently lives with his mother, but is ( was ) going to come live with us. When he found out, his comment was ( uh.. seriously... are you crazy?, Then he went on saying I don’t want to live in a house with a screaming baby, my summers are ruined now I have to babysit on summer vacation. I flipped around and snapped that he need not worry because living with us he will be in school and at his part time job so he wouldn’t be home much.. and if he didn’t like it that he could stay living with his mother who he does not get along with. Was I wrong? My bf backed me up on this.. the sons response was he would rather live with his overly rich grandparents who coddle him like he is a toddler! But that won’t happen.. I don’t think he could handle a full day in a high school in my city.. coming from a small town 2 hours away by his moms.. and his mom won’t let him legally go stay with her parents.. anyone else have issues like this? They don’t want to live in a house with a screaming baby... that they are not happy at ALL!?!?

Answer

Sometimes it takes a while. When I was his age and my dad told me he got his girlfriend pregnant I was pissed. Just give him time. I also think you may have overreacted if you snapped at him like that. He may be 16 but honestlybyou have to remember that is still just a kid. Have you ever been in a situation like this? It’s not exactly fun. He has this relationship with his current sibling and you’re adding something new into the equation. It’s throwing off the balance for him right now.

Answer

He might have been hoping to feel more relaxed/have more attention since you said he and his mother don’t get along. Once he realizes that a baby doesn’t mean he’s not part of the family, he will be fine. 
I wouldn’t even bother having the conversation with him. He might be 16 but he’s still a child and if you’ve opened up your home to him, it is what it is.

Answer

Only one answer : teenager.
They are all the time unhappy, saying that nobody understand them, and criticizing everything you can do for them.
Don't worry, and let your bf manage this with his ex. Most of the time, teenagers do dramas and forget it two weeks After...
All you can do is explaining that a little baby scream but sleep most of the time. And tell him that it will be his little sister/brother, that he will be friend with. 🥰 
Stay calm, and just be very patient with him. I think that he just worry about his place in the family once the baby is here. 😉

Answer

Also, he would probably feel a lot less threatened by a new baby if he felt that he had the security and stability of a safe home with his father available unconditionally. He’s a kid. If he acts out he needs love and support, not the constant threat of being shipped back and forth between houses because people don’t want to deal with him acting like a normal teenager.

Answer

When I was 16 my mom had a baby with a guy she’d known for maybe a year. I was pissed. I had to move homes, schools, get new friends. I loved my brother but the way my mom handled my experience put a permanent rift between us. Here’s how I see this: You’re some woman who’s decided to have a baby with his dad, his dad who had before you. Who now he has to share with a new baby AND you. He has to move homes, schools, and is being told he MUST be at a part time job. He doesn’t have a good relationship with his mom, the woman who he’s supposed to be the most connected with in the world. Of course he’s exhibiting attention seeking behavior like partying. Of course he quit his job over losing a relationship, it sounds like he’s desperate for connection. It sounds like he needs help, professional counseling help. I also think you should go to family counseling separately from his counseling. You all need to find healthy ways to communicate and set realistic expectations.

Answer

My daughter is 13 years older than her brother, and she was definitely not thrilled at first, and also not thrilled about adding another when she’s 16 (even though she loves her little brother now). It’s a big adjustment for kids that age, and even though they seem pretty self-sufficient, they want and need a lot more attention than they let on. I try to be patient and remember how I would have felt about a tiny human suddenly invading my space at that age. I also make sure my oldest and I still get plenty of quality time together, and never treat her like a built-in babysitter or male baby/toddler care her responsibility.

Answer

Ok, I’m sorry if this offends you in anyway but I’m a very realistic person. He’s a teenager, he’s acting like he’s 25 cause he’s a teenager. The more you put rules on him, the more he’s going to disobey and yeah he doesn’t have to be happy that he’s getting a sibling. It’s a HUGE gap, he might feel that there’s gonna be a huge responsibility cause he’s the eldest child, and you might say “no he’s not baby sitting” but one day you’re gonna find yourself depending on him and he doesn’t want that. I’m telling you from experience, I’ve been there, done that. All he’s interested in is girls and partying, they’ll be happy eventually but rn let him be him. It’ll pass

Answer

Sounds like something my brother would've said at 16.... He's just reacting to his initial shock, give him time to calm down

Answer

Thank you ladies! Appreciate the help. I do everything I can for these boys and I’ve opened my home to them. Sometimes I feel they don’t understand or appreciate things.. he called my bf the other day crying about how his mom is being... but long story short he is 16 acting like he is 25 and his mother told him no something I think it was a real late curfew he wanted like 1:00am and he flipped out and kicked a door... I will not have that attitude living in my new home.. I did tell him that at one point he needs to try to see things from his moms side of view.. and that she once lived in this world without him.... but you have never lived in this world without her.... he got real quiet and later told my bf that what I said kinda got to him... and he had to think about what I said cause it’s true. And later that day he went and apologized to his mom.  He just thinks he is 25 yrs old and wants to do what he wants when he wants.. he quit his part time job cause he gf broke up with him... I won’t handle that kind of stuff at my home..

Unhappy ?!?

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