Grandmother is dying and my boyfriend doesn’t care

Hi everyone

My grandmother is 93 years old and has been in the hospital for about a month. She had surgery on her eye and after we brought her home she stopped eating until we took her to the ER. She’s been there ever since and everything was going well but suddenly took a turn this week. We think she may have had a stroke and will find out shortly. I’ve always been SO close with her, she was like a third parent to my brother and me. She was always around and always independent and energetic. She smothered us with love and food (Italian) and she is one of the most important people in my life. Anyway.

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 9 months. We were supposed to go on vacation in June (haven’t booked yet- last minute deals) but I told him that if my mother (who is staying with my grandmother in the hospital) doesn’t think I should go, I’m not going. I don’t know what I would do if she died while I was away. I absolutely couldn’t bear it.

I called him yesterday at around 12 and we talked about how scared I was for her. In these situations, I only go to one or two people for support. He started getting frustrated with me when I couldn’t stop crying over the phone and eventually hung up on me (he said bye and as I was saying it back he dipped).

He told me that the only reason I didn’t care about the vacation was because I went recently (he did not) and that it’s unfair because he hasn’t gone anywhere in over a year. He said “should I start looking for someone else to go with” and a couple more things along those lines. He was really mad that I might not be able to go anymore. Didn’t give a shit about my grandmother, though.

I texted him about an hour later (I couldn’t think of what to say to him because I was so surprised by his reaction to this) and I told him how I felt and that I was trying to work with him and his feelings but that I needed him to be patient with me right now because of how impossible this is. He hasn’t answered a full day later.

I called him after I finished work tonight and he didn’t answer. He responded to me on Instagram about something else. He told me “I didn’t skip your text, I just don’t have time” which made sense to me during the day but not anymore. I feel very hurt by him and I feel like I’ve been fooling myself this whole time about his feelings for me.

ALSO he hasn’t told me that he loves me and at this point I doubt he does.

I hate this entire situation and I have exams in two days! Why is this happening lol

I’m so deeply hurt by his actions (it’s not the first time he’s ignored my text for days because he doesn’t feel like answering) and at first I felt naggy, but then I realized that that’s some patriarchal bullshit and his behaviour in these situations is controlling and toxic. What should I do?