Will I ever feel excited and ready to TTC again?

(Sorry for the rant, I’m new to this and have never been able to actually talk about any of this.. everyone in my life has no problem having babies)

In the 3 years of TTC and 5 MCs later i started to loose hope.. No doctor was helping me or giving me any answers. All I was getting was that I had PCOS (which I knew), irregular cycles and hormone imbalance. I hadn’t had AF for 4-6 months at a time at one point.. then it was constant bleeding whether it was light spotting or heaving. After 4 months of not having AF (besides light spotting on AF days) I FINALLY had a normal cycle!! I’ve been tracking and I was logging my last 2 weeks (it’s been crazy, my fiancé travels for work and is out of state most of the week and I have a 8 year old stepdaughter I have most of the time) and we had actually had sex!! Like the best sex we’ve EVER had in the last 3 years.. I’m praying this is my month!! Is it sad that I am kind of expecting the worst? Expecting to get the horrible cramps and heaving clotting bleeding? I have horrible nightmares about it. Will it ever feel normal TTC after so many losses?