Rainbow baby after loss Dec 22, 2018

We are now 15 weeks 2 days with our rainbow baby, our first son Isaiah did not have a heart beat at our routine apt at 19 weeks 6 days...we found out it was our boy at his birth, his umbilical cord was is a tight knot at his belly button. We do have 3 beautiful girls, I prayed so long for a boy, I still am. We got pregnant a month after our loss.

Our anatomy scan will be the week before fathers day weekend. I am filled with so much anxiety and paying such close attention to every detail.

I can't remember when im supposed to feel movement, i never really had much with Isaiah. I'm terrified and I knew I would be leading up to the anatomy scan/20 wks....honestly the entire pregnancy. Im being seen every 2 weeks, but this time i stretched to 3 wks, i will not wait past that 2 wk mark again. Im over emotional, and I don't even know IF I want to find out babys gender. I dont want to be sad/mourn all over again for the loss of our son or never having a son/being so close to having him. I want a son for my husband so badly, my girls want a little brother again and pray for him to come.

Why do I feel so crazy? Super anxiety filled...I keep finding myself sleeping on my back and my right and i try so hard to make sure i fall asleep on my left. Am I wrong for wanting a boy still? I wish I could just have had him come home with us.