This is long. But could use advice/ support. We have been together for 13 years, married 4. We had our first baby a year ago. We waited until we were "ready". He had a great paying job, we were property owners, had a home we could grow in, had a savings, paid down our debt

Everything seemed right.

During pregnancy we talked about the possibility of me staying at home once the baby was born. My husband didn't want someone else to raise his kids and the thought of daycare scared me too. However, i alwaye feared losing my identity becoming a stay at home mom, as my mom was one and never had anything for herself. So I always said to myself that i would be a working mom.

But my husband's job was super demanding, working sometimes 60 hour weeks. We could afford for me to stay home. My husband said, "I work enough for 2 people". My job wasn't making me happy, anyways. So in the end, the decision was made for me to stay home. At first, he would come home, daily and shower. Then the rest of the evening, he took over the baby and I had time to cook a meal, shower, relax, whatever I could do for a couple of hours before bedtime. He even did bedtime a couple days a week.

Well we decided to move closer to family, states away. Within 1 month, we sold 2 homes, packed up our belongings, moved across the country with a 3 month old, and moved in with my in-laws until we could plan our next move. Well that lasted 3 weeks because we had to many differences. So we moved into my parent's living room because they really didn't have the space for us... finally a month later we got a home. We had to pay cash (which is actually a good thing-no mortgage), but it was a huge downsize. But my husband didn't have a job so we didn't qualify for a loan. For the 2 months we were in our home state i asked and asked if he wanted me to work and him to stay home, just to have an income. He kept saying to trust him, everything was fine. I have NEVER had money concerns with him. He has always been very responsible. So I trusted him. He finally got a job offer after 2 months, but then the employer decided they could not afford him and dropped the ball. So my husband took a few more weeks off and then decided to get a commission only job...

Well I also decided to take a job, that is very flexible and I don't have to work a set number of hours/days-there are some requirements but it's really up to me. I can't bring the baby but I try to schedule everything outside my husbands work hours.

Well unfortunately, it's like he never isn't working. He leaves for 8-10 hours a day and then comes home and is still on his computer or phone. I barely get any help with our baby. Now my son is getting into everything and has to be watched. So i rarely get time to make meals or do much. But he gets home and goes into the office, so I'm lucky to get dinner or dishes done or anything. I usually just snack all day long because I don't have an opportunity to make myself a meal. He hasn't gained many clients and isn't making enough to cover our bills (which aren't too much because we own our cars and home and have no credit card debt). So he signed up to do door dash. I've begged him to consider me getting a normal 9-5 type job, put our child in daycare, so he can focus on building this business. He is so against daycare, he won't even consider it.

I'm trying to be a supportive wife. It isn't about the money. I promised to love this man regardless of our financial situation. I'm okay that our standard of living is much smaller than we both were accustomed to for a little while. My issue is we have a child to think about and neither of us have a job with health insurance or any other benefits.

This has caused me months of resentment. I try to move on and focus on good things, but then something small happens and it brings an anger up inside of me. Like Mother's Day. I went to a brunch with my mom and came home. My husband said we could do whatever I wanted the rest of the day. I just wanted to hang out at home. Not cook or clean. I mentioned dinner and suggested we just get fast food and he said, "if it comes out of your account". Well I used my account for groceries (mind you my job is part time, i work like 4 hours/week so not like i make bank), so i didn't have the money to purchase the food. So instead of him making dinner, he just had cereal and i had some fruit. BUT HE BOUGHT A PIZZA FOR HIM AND MY DAD WHILE MY MOM AND I WERE GONE. ( my dad visited while mom and I had a mother's day celebration)

Then we had a conversation about work the next day (monday). It will be the first time our child is left with some other than him or me. (My mom will watch him) because, unfortunately, we both have a work obligation. Mind you, i asked him about me working Monday before confirming i could to make sure he could be home to watch our child and he said yes. But then he got upset with me for asking my mom to watch our kid. Even though he made a work appointment when I am working... so ended mother's day great... and this small conversation and not being able to afford a fast food dinner brought back all these months of resentment back up to where I can't stand to even touch my husband.

I have tried and tried to talk to him. I have strong communication skills and I am always using "i feel" statements and try to frame things in a way that represent our family's needs. All he hears is that I am a gold-digger and I only want him for money. 😭😭 i would consider counseling, but our situation obviously means we can't afford it.

I have been applying for typical 9-5 jobs because someone has to get the bills paid. We need health insurance. I am starting to feel like I have no clue who my husband is. We have always been on the same page and now all the sudden it's like he and I are in completely different places and possibly at the worst time (right after having a baby).

Thank you in advance for reading my vent session. If you have advice, I'm happy to hear it. I posted anonymously because I know some people on this app and would be embarrassed for someone I know to see my marriage differently. I do love him. He is a good person. He is a great father. I just have no idea how to be supportive and invested in him while also seeing our family's needs. I'm sad at the thought of my son in daycare. But we have to have some type of consistent income.

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