Long before we had kids my husband always joked that I am a cold person and my family were like Downton Abbey because growing up none of us ever really hugged or kissed or were given much physical affection. Thus, as an adult I am not a touchy person. I get incredibly uncomfortable when strangers, or even people I know semi-well, are touchy or invade my personal space.

Having children I have tried to remedy this because it’s not like I prefer to be that way, but my daughter, who is now two, has always seemed very like me in that she doesn’t enjoy being cuddled, kissed or hugged by anyone, including us, for the most part.

My husband comes from a big affectionate family quite the opposite and he, as well as my MIL have since birth kind of forced levels of affection with our daughter that she’s never enjoyed, my MIL especially. She or my husband will literally grab her in their lap and hold her against her will and hug/cuddle her even if she cries or repeatedly says “no!” To the point where she really dislikes her grandmother and will hide from her or cry when she’s coming over.

My husband is basically of the mind that he’s her dad and that’s her grandmother and if they want to kiss on Her and hug her and cuddle her she’s just going to have to put up with it, and he says because I respect her wishes and never force her to kiss or hug me if she doesn’t want that I am making her standoffish and cold and she will grow up being awkward and uncomfortable with people.

That’s definitely not to say I don’t ever touch her. She sits in my lap when we read, I massage her head and pet her hair, I always give her a kiss on the top of the head before bed, but I am always more vocal with my love for her than physically push it.

Am I in the wrong? Is my husband? What would you do?