I am going through a major low point in my life

I feel so lost and frustrated

I have wanted to kill myself for 10 years

Will I ever? Absolutely not because I don't have the guts to do it

I am seriously so miserable the only happiness I have is my son who is 1 year old

I did love my husband so much and I still do I guess, I just feel like I should have never got married. Am i one of those people who were better off single? I don't know and I'll never know because I'll never leave my husband why? Because I could never hurt him like that

We get along great and usually have fun but I'm getting sick of our life.

I watch my niece from my sister and my niece from my sister in law not at the same time but I have one of them 5 days a week and I can't handle it they are younger than my son and all everyone does is cry!!! I just want to cry!

This is the hardest thing I have ever done is be a mom, a wife, a farmer, an aunt, a babysitter all while trying to be a good Christian and love myself

When in fact I hate myself

I hate the way I look

I hate the way I never feel good

I always feel dizzy and like i am going to pass out

I hate how I don't have the motivation to workout

I try diets and I fail

I fail everything.

I have dreams about a guy I used to like but never dated

I creep on my ex boyfriends Instagram and can't help but creep on fitness person out there and wish I were them

I am so envious of all the beautiful women out there

I want a life of freedom

I want to be able to workout and eat healthy

I want to just go out on dates and enjoy being single

I want to see the world

I don't want all these responsibilities

All I do is go, go, go I never ever stop

My niece won't sleep while my son takes a nap so I'm just letting her cry it out a little and this is the only time I have to vent

If I vent to my husband he gets so upset and has anxiety and completely shuts down.

I have no one to talk to.

I want to be strong for my son but I am so weak I see it everytime I look in the mirror.