Hi guys! I wanted to get some advise on a situation. To be clear, everyone in this situation is white besides myself, i am black.To keep it short, one of my close friends boyfriends was singing to a song after a night of going out and rapped the N word. I stopped him and said that’s an uncomfortable thing for you to say around me seeing as I am black and the only black person around. He turned down the music and started yelling at me for a good 10 minutes about how he can say whatever he wants, white privileged doesn’t exist, and said “N*gger, n*gger n*gger” I can say whatever I want. My friend said nothing as he was yelling this in my face.

Now my friends birthday is coming up and obviously her boyfriend is going to be there so I told her I am extrem

ely uncomfortable going and being around him seeing as he yelled the N word in my face. Then, I woke up to a message from him...

What do you guys think of this? Am I wrong for not wanting to go? Would you cut your friend off being being with a man like this, and not even saying anything to him as he was yelling at me?

Update ladies:

My friend texted me saying he’s not racist for saying the n word in his music, the n word is everywhere. She said he didn’t meant to be rude on purpose. She also said I should be coming to her birthday. I texted her the following... fyi I also used some of the things you guys said in my text to her! Thanks for the help girls

“It's not about him singing the word in a song. It's the fact that when I said I was uncomfortable hearing it he yelled the word in my face multiple times and told me he can say whatever he wants. Being racist isn't just about disliking a specific race. Being racist is how he has no empathy and understanding for how I can feel uncomfortable and victimized by the word. Being racist is screaming a derogatory word in my face.

No one should have to tolerate being around someone who is racist for the sake of someone else. It's hurtful to see that you think I should be around him.

Him screaming at me saying "fuck your white privilege bs" and "N*gger n*gger n*gger I can say what i want" isn't being rude to me on purpose? Of course it is. He didn't apologize to me for saying racist slurs. He apologized for yelling.

I've never said (your boyfriend) is the only one who says that word, of course other people say it. It doesn't make it ok.

Someone being uneducated and saying the n word doesn't make them a racist. But being called out for it and justifying your actions while screaming derogatory terms does.”

Update 2:

After hours of back and forth text messages of my friend defending her boyfriend and saying he isn’t racist, I told her she was uneducated on racism and as a person of colour I would be doing myself a disservice to continue a friendship with someone who cannot spot racism nor defend me if someone is being racist towards me. She said the following...

“I am a person of colour too, I’m white. White is a colour.”

“Also your offending me for saying I’m uneducated, & you have every human right like every person has in this country. Your not a minority stop acting like a victim. There are no more slaves in this country. I may not know everything but you certainly don’t know everything either.”

I HAVE NO WORDS YALL!!!