Im sorry that I am irrationally angry with you

I am sorry that I am irrationally angry with you. I am angry because I want to at least TRY to have a baby and your constant no's are upsetting.

I unddrstand that after your daughter you dont want to chance it. I understand that the problems you have had with her and her mother turn you off from the idea.

Why could she have a baby? Why did you give her one but REFUSE to even attempt with me? What is it that she said to you that made you believe it would be a good idea?

You were just F-ing her and she slept with other guys who whole time y'all were together. I AM YOUR WIFE. I put up with you. I love you despite all your faults. I make sure that you feel loved, and cherished, and protected, and appreciated. I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

Why am I the one who has to pay for the mistakes you and she have made.

You knew... YOU KNEW, on our first date that I wanted a baby. I didnt lie.. I didnt hold back.. I said I wanted to get married and I wanted to be a mother.. I wanted a baby. At one point you wanted it too, or so you told me. Now.... now I think you were just telling me what I wanted to hear.. and it hurts.

I see other people with their children... I see my nieces and nephews... I see baby pictures and videos of complete strangers... Do I cry? Yes, when I am alone, where you can not see me, I cry. I cry for what I have always wanted but seems like I will never have. I cry for the anger I feel towards you right now. I cry, praying that God will help me get past the disappointment... to help me get past this anger. I cry because I am scared, when I am old, I will resent you for it.

I just dont understand... and you qont explain it.

Actually, after writing all of this, I dont think I am irrationally angry with you... I think I am just angry at you.

I love you, more than life, but I am angry as shit.